I am at the point in my own career where it’s not unusual
for me to be contacted for professional reasons by strangers, or
near strangers, for coffee, lunch, group drinks, something. I can usually guess
why they want to chat—they are probably seeking work or publication. What I am
most amused by, sometimes, is how strangers, or near strangers, seem to expect
that someone unknown to them owes them a favor.
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| If you are seeking a favor, why not do one first? |
Years ago, I received great advice from a close friend on
how to conduct romances: love someone as you want to be loved. The same great
advice holds true on how to undertake a professional get-together: woo someone
as you want to be wooed. So, if you think you’re going to want a favor, why not
do one first? Start with paying for coffee, lunch, group drinks, whatever. Let
me see your best side. Let me know what you can do, but don’t come right out
and ask what I can do for you.
If you do ask, don’t be peeved if I tell you I can’t do
anything for you right now. At this particular moment in history, I may not
have work to funnel your way, or a publishing opportunity to introduce you to,
or whatever. Don’t make arguments about how I should make an exception for you.
I know the limitations of the organizations with which I am affiliated, their
budgets, their plans.
In my mind, it’s best not to ask for anything right away. I’d
rather someone put me in touch with someone who can help me with my business,
my career, rather than have a coffee with someone who just wants to know what I
can do for her, who seems to expect that I owe something to him. In business romance, subtlety is preferred.
A friend of mine is a business matchmaker of sorts—she just
gets people together. She has always been doing this in the decades I’ve known
her. She has big parties. She expects nothing. Sure, she has her own
businesses. Sure, people do favors for her. But she does not approach any
situation with a what's-in-it-for-me attitude. Instead, she delights in
introducing people who might otherwise never meet who may well have common
interests. She has created a lot of goodwill by doing this. Those seeking
favors should generate some goodwill, too.
—Lori Tripoli
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