Seven Ways to Screw Up Your Christmas Cards

’Tis the season to spread a little secular cheer, and lawyers could do it as well as anyone else—if only they took the time. I’ve received more than my share of poorly prepared holiday cards, so many so that I typically have an annual  in-house “most hideous card ever” contest. I’ll refrain from posting the winner here, but below are a few tips to guarantee a well-placed entry in the bunch:

1. Have your secretary write them. Nothing says “thank you for your business” like an outsourced “personalized” message in girly handwriting.
2. Use a cheap pen. Earn extra points for smudging the ink so clients are absolutely certain you spent as little time as possible on this task.
3. Send cards only to your major clients. Prospective clients, connections, associates, support staff, or any others likely to speak fondly of you or actually funnel business your way need not be remembered just now.
4. Don’t bother with a salutation. You and your firm are cool and aloof and you wouldn’t want to wear down your brand.
5. Omit a personal note because if you follow all the steps on this list, no one in your universe is going to be feeling warm and fuzzy about you anyway, and you can move on to the next item on your to-do list all the sooner.
6. Scribble your signature. If just your firm’s name is engraved on the card, don’t worry about whether it’s legible.
7. Use cheap labels that you can mass produce in your printer. Addressing an envelope could take 30 seconds and give the appearance that you put some thought into this activity, and that’s an impression you just don’t want to make.

 For extra credit, ask recipients whether they’ve received your card. They only receive hundreds, and if you’ve followed the steps above, your missive got only a glancing look before being filed in the recyclables.

Panicky now that your holiday cards are a useless expensive likely to be scorned? Good. So spend some time writing meaningful ones. Let the people in your world, clients or not, know how you actually do appreciate them. Your world, and not just your wallet, will expand.

—Lori Tripoli